I’ve been prompted by a meeting with upcoming producer, Z_, to share some of my tidbits on how to get by in LA.  Z_ is headed across to support a short film she has produced and which has made it into a film festival over there.  Congratulations Z_!

Although I know you already must know a lot to have got this far, I hope these tips can be of some use to you.

Getting There

Things have changed a lot in 18 months since I was there.  Even though the Aussie dollar was near parity with the greenback, air fares have come down a lot due to a combination of the GFC, Swine ‘Flu and most importantly – competition.  Virgin Atlantic and Delta have entered the old duopoly held by Qantas and Contintental Airlines(?).

Don’t forget your toothbrush

I remember we (my former filmmaking partner and I) had to go via Taiwan, making a 13 hour flight into a 24 hour flight with an 8 hour visit to Taipei International Airport, and the fare was still more expensive than what you’d get now.  My filmmaking partner was not in the habit of brushing his teeth which added to the discomfort of flying cattle class.

Practical Tip:  Bring breath mints for the flight – to give to the other passengers you are forced to sit next to.

Accommodation

Staying in LA is actually quite cheap if you don’t mind staying at backpackers and YHA’s.  There are at least two YHA’s, conveniently located for doing “film biz”-type activities.

One is at Santa Monica, one block away from Loewe’s Hotel, the epicentre of the American Film Market (held in November I think, although they were thinking of moving it to January last I heard.)

Santa Monica is the famous beach-side suburb, just one suburb north of the even more famous Venice Beach.  You’ll probably recognise the famous Santa Monica pier from films like Forrest Gump.  It has an amusement park on it.

Don’t tell people you’re staying at a YHA

Whilst working our way around the AFM, hob-nobbing with film exec-types to get meetings, we’d frequently be asked where we were staying.  Many had come to LA specifically for the AFM and thought it would be good to meet outside the AFM which was too crowded for discreet discussion.  Also, the Loewes Hotel prohibited screening of films, even by DVD on a laptop (in order to get people to pay for a suite there at some exorbitant price) So I’d ask them “Do you know where the Hotel Carmel is?” (The Hotel Carmel is a good hotel nearby on Second Avenue)  To which they’d respond “Oh, you’re staying at the Hotel Carmel?”  To which I’d non-answer “Let’s meet at the café right next to it. You know the one?”  To which they’d always respond “Oh yeah.  Let’s meet there!”

If you want to stay closer to Hollywood for meetings, there’s also a YHA in Hollywood.

Another alternative my filmmaking partner and I tried was couch-surfing.  This is pretty much what it sounds like.  You go to a website like the eponymous www.couchsurfing.com and try and find people willing to put you up in their spare bed (or couch – thus the name).   They’ll usually do it for free.

We really lucked-in.  After spending a week at the YHA at Santa Monica during the American Film Market, we still had business to do.

Practical Tip:  If you are at the AFM, it’s good to reserve a week or two after the event to do follow-up meetings with all the good contacts you made.

Immediately after the AFM I had lined up some couch-surfing with an amazing and extremely generous guy called Marcus York.  Marcus is an actor, wheel-chair bound by a car accident he had in his twenties.  Now in his forties, Marcus doesn’t feel the wheel-chair is a limitation at all, having opened up many avenues for him, the most important of which being his mind.

Marcus welcomes guests, especially filmmakers trying to get their break in LA. 

Think of a figure and double it

It was literally on Marcus’ sofa-bed that we got the phone call from the Canadian studio execs.  They asked us how much we needed to make our film.  In previous discussions my partner and I had agreed we would “high-ball” any studio with a budget of AU$3 million, even though we knew we could make our script on AU$500,000.  When it came to the moment though, it kind of got stuck in my throat:-

Y: “Err,  I-I think about, ummm, two, maybe, errm, three-“

The Mr Big on the other end of the line (we were hunched over my partner’s mobile phone which had a speaker-phone setting) cut me off:-

Mr Big:  We think it’ll take four million.  Whaddya say?

It was only later I took in that they meant US four million.

In the end, Marcus put up with us for four weeks, after initially saying we’d only stay for 1 week.  He didn’t mind at all and remained a generous host throughout, driving us around the sights and shouting us to dinner on numerous occasions.

Getting About in LA

Something that was a very big surprise to us was that public transport, namely buses, are extremely efficient and cheap.  We fully expected the motor car to dominate (and it does in important ways), but so long as you want to go to film-biz type destinations, you will find the buses are quite regular.

There is also a train line which is clean and efficient, and is not too far from Marcus’ place in North Hollywood if that is where you choose to stay.

There is one down-side to getting about on public transport in LA, and that is, none of the local Los Angeleans know about their great bus system, and few will be able to direct you to the closest bus stop.

Food & Beverages

Nothing is as it seems in America

We were fortunate enough to bump into an Australian actor, Grant Bowler (the voice for “Border Security”, Something in the Air, Canal Road, Outrageous Fortune, Lost, Ugly Betty) whilst we walked back along the Esplanade back to our YHA from the American Film Market.  My filmmaking partner had the good fortune of taking acting classes under Grant, and Grant generously treated us to lunch. Grant shouted us to whatever we wanted, and, as is the custom in America, your coffee mug is filled, then refilled ad infinitum.  Smelling the coffee, I took a big swig – and almost gagged.  Grant burst out laughing at the expression on my face.  After a few seconds to recover myself I was finally able to get out the words: “That’s not coffee!  It looks like coffee.  It smells like coffee.  But it sure don’t taste like coffee!”  I declined the waitress’ offer of a refill.

Food in LA is comparably priced to Sydney with two exceptions.  Cheap (and unhealthy) fast food is very, very cheap.  One dollar will buy you a hamburger at a well-known hamburger franchise.  Expensive food can be very, very expensive too.  But by and large, food prices are comparable.  Like we found in Cannes, we did not put on any weight whilst in LA despite our unhealthy diet, because we found ourselves doing a lot of walking.

Don’t forget to tip

My filmmaking partner and I had just finished a good meal at the “All-you-can-eat” sushi restaurant in North Hollywood, a place we had frequented on two or three occasions.  This occasion was to catch-up with a young Australian actress I’d known in Australia.  She had been in some of my earliest short films, and was great value – free actually.  Nowadays, she was supporting her acting by working in a video hire shop.  Like most actors, she was trying to produce her own screenplay.  The time came to paying the bill, and I felt the usual nudge from my filmmaking partner, P_.

P_: Hey mate.  Can you cover me?  I’ve only got ten bucks.

P_ showed me the contents of his wallet which revealed a ten dollar note and a few coins.

So as was our custom, I paid for the full bill, suggesting he pay the tip.  But when it came to paying the tip, P_ let the Japanese sushi chef pick up the coin tray without dropping anything in it.

Staring at the empty tray, the chef exploded.

Chef: “What? No tip?  This is the third time you guys have been here and no tip?!  That’s outrageous, especially considering how much you eat.  Especially you! (He pointed at P_.) 

Fortunately, our actor friend, blonde, blue-eyed and already a favourite with the Japanese chef (“You are so beautifoo! Beautifoo rady!”) was able to smooth things over.

She graciously took the blame for it, saying she should have warned us that American restaurants expect a tip of at least 10%.  To not do so would be considered rude.  Of course, we already knew that.  I’d told P_ that on at least two earlier occasions.

It was yet another nail in the coffin of our filmmaking partnership.

Film Biz Tips

Sorry if I’m telling you stuff you already know.  This is stuff I learned whilst I was over there that isn’t in the textbooks.  Much of this information is best used in the film market environment, but even if you aren’t going during the AFM, you might be attending a festival where similar rules apply.

Practical Tip #1:  It Pays to be an Aussie (Part 372)

By the time we reached LA we already had some runs on the board.  We had an AFC funded screenplay, numerous letters of interest, as well as a distribution offer for Mainland China and Hong Kong. We also had a list as long as my arm of other contacts we’d met at Cannes, and could follow up in LA. We were also short-listed for the AFC’s (now Screen Australia’s) production funding.  Screen Australia’s production funding revolves around a matched-funding scheme.  For every dollar you can bring in from a genuine “arms length” investor, the Government will match it with another dollar.  At the time we were in LA, this amount was capped at AU$2.5 million (just bumped up from AU$2 million.)  This meant our pitch centred around the possibility of partnerships raising up to AU$1.25 million.

Our pre-conceptions before we arrived in LA at the World’s largest film market were that as Australians, we were small-fry in the Big Bad World of Filmmaking.  With numerous pre-GFC film budgets in excess of $100 million we thought, who would want our measly $1.25 million in our piddly Pacific Peso?

“Many people”, is the short answer.  You see, unlike most of the filmmaking World, the United States of the Universe is not being swamped by foreign film product, stifling the home-grown industry.  That’s obviously, because the US is the foreign film product swamping all other home-grown film industries (save perhaps Bollywood, Nollywood and the French – whose film industry is subsidised, by … films from the US.)

Because the US film industry is so strong, and because it is the land of the Free(-market), the film industry does not receive any government subsidies.  That’s right.  US independent filmmakers are on their own. No Screen America “Indivision” funding.  No Screen America subsidized “home base” with free internet and telephone at Cannes. And yet, US independent filmmakers make up a sizable part of the market, especially at places like the American Film Market.  

At the AFM there are loads of filmmakers who are all too happy to make films for under $2.5 million, for whom $2.5 million is a lot of money.  The reason should be obvious to those who have made a film in Australia on a shoe-string budget.  The answer is because, those figures you hear bandied around like “This film cost US$50 million to make.” Etc are rubbish.

The US$50 million figure is how much the producers of the film convinced the studio or IMDB how much they sold it for.  They probably actually made it for around US$8 million and kept the rest.

This means the Yanks outside the studio system are making films for … around AU$2.5 million.  In fact, we met the latest American enfant terrible who had made his feature film for $3000 and made US$10 million at the box office.  Suffice to say, he was pestering us for the next two weeks to allow him to direct our film, dreaming up every sort of dodgy accounting trick to come up with his “half” of the funding.

In other words, most independent filmmakers in the US know you can make a great film for $500,000 or a smallish Screen Australia production grant.  They haven’t forgotten Quentin Tarantino made his breakthrough film, Reservoir Dogs for US$300,000.  In fact, Tarantino was so confident he could make it for that amount, he turned down US$700,000 and US$1.2 million offers for his script, in order that he could direct the film himself.

It Pays to be an Aussie (Part 373)

You know that crappy little short film you made at film school?  You know how you don’t even dare show your grandmother that embarrassing rambling, waffly, soundless study about the essence of post-structuralist existence?  In places like the US, very few people get to make films like you have using Government subsidised equipment (and if you’ve attended a TAFE, university or the AFTRS then you definitely fall into this category).  This may well mean your embarrassing short film is a lot better than the struggling independent American filmmaker next to you who has no embarrassing short film to his/her name.

A corollary of this fact was that when we managed to sit a distributor or sales agent down, and show them our short films and sizzle reels, they were almost invariably impressed.  (The one exception was an Australian agent, based in LA who shall remain nameless…)

If your little short film has been good enough to win a place in a short film festival, the World begins to be your oyster.

Australia – the 51^st State

After two weeks in LA, we were finally granted an audience at Rogue Pictures, a spin-off of Universal Studio that focused upon low-budget (US$10-40 million) genre films. (P_’s agent’s secretary’s assistant happened to know a friend who knew a friend…) Fortunately, we had two films I had made that we could show them to prove our filmmaking credentials.  One was a CGI-laden short film reminiscent of “300”, only I could sincerely claim to have made it two years before “300” was released. The other, we had also scrambled to make in three weeks before we left for LA.

As the credits rolled on this latter short film, the Rogue studio exec rocked back in his chair and asked “Hey that’s really slick! Musta cost you at least $100,000 right? (It had cost us $5000) So which city in America did you shoot that in?  It looks really familiar…”  He paused as he noticed P_ and myself glancing nervously at each other.  The penny finally dropped for him.  He knew we had come to the US two weeks earlier, and could only have made the film in Australia.

Practical Tip #2: Don’t forget the Empire!

In addition to our film funding bodies, Australia also benefits from its numerous co-production arrangements.  Again, the US has no co-production arrangements (except perhaps with Puerto Rico, the real 51^st state of the United States) to benefit its filmmakers.  If you are seeking film funding, make sure you memorise the countries that have filmmaking co-production arrangements with your own. Naturally enough, Australia has co-production agreements with many Commonwealth and former Commonwealth nations, in addition to a few other enterprising countries that value their filmmaking industry.  This small fact proved invaluable to our film financing efforts.

Practical Tip:  It’s all about representation

In film school, you will be taught about the film making chain.  The screenwriter writes the screenplay, and a producer buys an option on it and takes it around to the studios, or production houses to get it made into a film.  They in turn will try to get a deal before the film is made, from a sales agent or distributor, who then sells it to the exhibitor (the chap or lass who owns the cinema.)

But two very important parts of the equation that are not mentioned in the above are “stars” and “agents”.  Sure, many people are aware that stars are extremely important elements in getting a film funded.  However, fewer are aware (and watching Entourage does not count as being ‘aware’), how important the talent agent is in the above equation.  Talent agents represent the new force in Hollywood.  They control the stars (who the paying public really want to see) and as a consequence, they begin to control the studios when they have enough stars (or ‘talent’ in the film biz lingo) on their books.  The top four talent agents control so many stars that it almost becomes essential if you are an actor, writer or director to be represented by them.  If that is what you want to be, I recommend you get representation by one of them, or at least a credible agent.

As to how you get to be represented by one of them – I’ll save that for my Hot Tips for Hollywood sheet.

How to Stay in LA

OK, so you’ve come to La La land and stars are in your eyes.  In fact, isn’t that George Clooney sipping a chai latte at the booth across from you?  All the stars, the studios, the agents – this is the town where it all happens, and you’ve decided you have to stay.  So what do you do?

This is what our friend K_ did:-

“That stuff only happens in the movies.”

K_ was blonde, blue-eyed, young and female.  The World was her oyster.  The only problem was, she was an Australian in Australia, and all the action was in LA.  Within two years of having met K_, at the ripe old age of 22, she had jetted off to LA, and decided she would stay until she made it.  But two years had passed, and her visa was running out.  Sure, she could spend a year out of the country and return, but that was a whole, critical year.  K_ knew that despite being forever blonde, blue-eyed and female, she would not remain young forever.  She decided she needed to do something more “permanent”.  What did she do?  K_ decided she would marry an American.  In fact, she offered to pay any eligible American male US$2000 for the privilege of being their spouse.  The lucky qualifying man turned out to be just what she wanted.  He never interfered in her life, lived apart from her and never asked her for sex.  No matter then that he was nearly forty years her senior.  I asked if she had any “Green Card” style experiences (the film starring Gerard Depardieu and Andie McDowell, about the piece of paper you need to stay in the US, equivalent to our “PR” or ‘permanent residency” status.  Briefly, Gerard Depardieu finds he needs to marry someone to whom he is totally unsuited for a green card.  The couple are subject to intimate interrogations by the Department of Immigration officials to prove their authenticity as a genuine, loving, married couple.)  She said breezily “Nuh.  Never.”

Australian director, Andrew Dominik has only made two feature films: Chopper, a film about the infamous Australian underworld figure Mark ‘Chopper’ Read, and The Assassination of Jessie James by the Coward Robert Ford (or “The Assassination” hereafter). Spoiler warning:  This article may contain passages that give away the ending or plot points of the above-mentioned films.)

There are some clear thematic similarities between these two films, but this article seeks to elicit a deeper thematic correspondence. 

Obviously, both films are about renowned criminals.  However, those expecting a deep psychological character study of the famed American outlaw, Jessie James  (played convincingly by Brad Pitt) would be disappointed for “The Assassination” focuses more upon James’ understudy and eventual nemesis, Robert Ford, played cringingly well by the then, much lesser known Casey Affleck (yes, brother of Ben, but no relation in acting styles).

In The Assassination, we follow Robert Ford’s journey from fawning fan and accomplice, through to that of reluctant killer, having eventually come to fear Jessie James as a vengeful, cold-blooded murderer.

However, the extended Act 3 epilogue is the telling one.  In the last stanza of The Assassination, after Robert Ford has killed Jessie James, the film follows Ford’s path as he rises to wealth and fame through his book and re-enactments of how he came to kill the legendary Jessie James.  Despite his wealth and fame (or perhaps in part because of it), Ford never lives down the killing of Jessie James, seen by an equally fawning public (fawning to the legend of Jessie James, not Robert Ford) as a cowardly act.

In Chopper, we follow the journey of Mark ‘Chopper’ Read.  Chopper depicts a man who falls in love with his “tough guy” image, part-larrikin, part killer.  The final scene shows Chopper hamming it up before the cameras, only to be locked in his cell, a lonely, pathetic figure.

The thematic resemblances should be clear at this point.  The Assassination is the tragedy of Robert Ford, who tries to build his reputation as a hero, only to find he is viewed and reviled as a coward.  Chopper is the tragedy of Mark Read, who falls in love with his image as a tough-guy/larrikin, whereas the truth is he is just a lonely jailbird.

Continuing the Theme?

What next then, for Andrew Dominik?  It may come as no surprise to some, that Dominik is making his screen adaptation of the Cormac McCarthy novel, Cities of the Plain, the third of the famous “Border Crossing” trilogy.

Not having read the this book (I’ve only read the first third of the second novel, “The Crossing”) I picked my fiancee’s brain for her thoughts on Cormac McCarthy’s key themes.  Here is her list:

- How does a man work out what’s right?

- Characters don’t explain themselves – they are men of action, driven by some inscrutable internal logic/path/moral code.

- Contrast between the World’s perceptions of the character and the reality.  In Chopper, it was of lead character.  In The Assassination, this misperception was of Jessie James, and how it impacted on Robert Ford.

- Morality and personal codes which are violent/tragic/cruel/irrational

- Lots of violence in general in a tragic, cruel, irrational world.

- Cruel world, nevertheless with a bleak beauty about it.

- Spiritual encounters – Man and his God.

Again, the thematic correspondence between Cormac McCarthy’s work and Dominik’s earlier work is undeniable.  It appears the themes of his material are much more important than any commercial aspects of his work, or he wouldn’t have waited 8 years to make a film after the widely acclaimed Chopper.  Also, he would not have chosen the third book in a trilogy, the first of which, All the Pretty Horses was a box office flop.

Personally, I hope this trend continues.

In the end, my filmmaking partner P_ and I each made one phone call to producer’s we knew had traveled to Cannes.

The feedback from my former producer H_, a past attendee and award-winning short-film producer at Cannes, was that I definitely should go, although she was concerned that it was already too late, seeing as Cannes had started the day before.

I remember her specific advice was to wear comfortable shoes, as there was much walking to be done, and to hang around not at the Hotel Majestic, where people and film business conspicuously hung-out, but at the little hotel just behind it.  It was to smaller, more discrete retreats that true film biz heavyweights would congregate for an after-work tipple.

H_ also sighed that meetings took weeks in advance to set up, so there was little likelihood of getting a meeting at this late stage.  Nevertheless, H_ felt it was mandatory to attend Cannes, if only as a learning experience.  She said “In the first year you attend Cannes, you won’t do any deals, but you will learn a lot.  You have to have a first year sometime, so it may as well be now.”

That was enough for me.  All along P_ had stood beside me as I made the call.  After I filled him in on H_’s advice, it was his turn to call his contact.

Judging from P_’s responses as he spoke on the phone, it sounded like P_ had a very different relationship with his producer contact.  P_ was evidently in a much more junior position in the view of the person on the other end of the phone, and the advice sounded part sermon, part lecture, part scold.

Practical Tip:  For those who are new to “the Biz”, it is common to get this kind of condescending attitude.  You will note I never assumed P_ was an incapable producer – just an inexperienced one.  I was confident with my guidance, and our mutual eagerness to learn, that we could do a sufficient amount of the producing to get the film financed.  In retrospect I am sure I made the right decision.

Again, the contact advised P_ it was too late to attend Cannes seeing as it had already started.  Again, the contact affirmed that Cannes was a very important destination for filmmakers, however, the contact implied P_ was too junior to be attending such a lofty event as the Cannes Film Festival.

On the subject of meetings, yet again, the advice was that it was too late to book meetings.  That should have been done months ago.

On the basis of these two phone calls, and Sh_’s advice the night before, P_ and I decided to proceed with booking tickets to Cannes straight away.

To be continued… 

I had made the decision to go to the Cannes Film Festival then and there, in Sh_’s living room.

The only hurdle now was to convince my filmmaking partner P_ that he should be going too.  This was not going to be easy.

I had already noticed P_’s penny-pinching ways.  Even in our first meeting he had not purchased himself a coffee, asking instead for tap water at the café where we met.  I had wondered then what would happen if I didn’t buy anything either.  My guess was that he would still refuse to buy anything at the café, despite using their chair, tables and waitstaff’s time.

In the ensuing weeks I would test this theory to come to a singular conclusion.  P_ would indeed refuse to buy anything, leaving the onus upon me to pay for something so we didn’t get moved along by an angry proprietor.

Another P_ ‘party trick’ was to load up on his favourite “goon wine” (the cheapest cask wine he could find) and get drunk on the cask wine before going out.  A true “Cadbury” man, it didn’t take much to get P_ drunk.  A glass and a half of alcohol was sufficient to change his behaviour completely.  Whilst P_ would normally keep his high opinion of himself in check, after a whiff of alcohol, his lofty self-sentiments came thick and fast.  Self-serving comments and then insults would soon follow.  The annoying thing with P_ was that if you made a rejoinder, his uncanny memory and shameless ersatz behaviour would mean the rejoinder would be used against you the next time, or he would copy your wisecrack word-for-word and claim it as his own.

Sh_, whom P_ had submitted parts of our script complained P_ had stolen his lines that Sh_ himself had used in his pick-up forays.

I knew I had my work cut out for me trying to convince P_ of parting with $3000 for what may well have been a fruitless trip.

Fortunately, for all Sh_’s snarky comments, he was at least consistent with his own argument that we should be in Cannes.  Although Sh_ did not volunteer any arguments that would encourage P_ to make the trip to Cannes, I was easily able to force agreement from Sh_.

Y: P_, what’s $3000 compared to getting our film financed.  If we want our film financed we have to go to an international market like Cannes.  Isn’t that right Sh_?

Sh_ (reluctantly):  Oh….. Yes.

I could see Sh_ was bewildered by my audacity.  In his mind he was asking himself the question: “Is Y_ really going to fly out to Cannes after it’s already started?”

After nearly four hours of continuous, but never angry debate, P_ finally agreed that he needed to go too.

There was one check I myself had to make before I felt 100% confident myself.  I needed to make a phone call to an upcoming producer, H_, who had a year earlier approached me to make a screenplay I had shown her into a feature film.

She had already some success at Cannes, but only at the short film level.  A film she produced had been submitted into the Uncertain Regard section of the short film competition – still a major accomplishment considering the hundreds of entries they receive.

What was unusual about this request was that it came some six months after I had initially approached her with the script.  Belatedly she called me telling me I had a “unique voice”.  I was skeptical of her change of heart, noting it had come just two weeks before a deadline for original screenplays from emerging filmmakers.

I hesitated before making the call.  Although we had not had crossed words, I was disappointed by her earlier vacillation on my script.

Still, it was no time to let the past concern me.  I had to make an important decision on whether to spend $3000 on plane tickets and expenses flying to a place I had never been before.  I also had the added responsibility of my partner’s $3000 investment, as well as our combined time.

In the end, the decision was easy.  It was only one phone call.

To be continued… 

Cannes begins in only 2 days, so as promised, I have fast-forwarded my blog to a more appropriate point in time, some three weeks later.  At this point in my journey, P_ and I had hastily completed the first jointly written draft and submitted it to the peak Australian film funding body.

Now that we had finished the script and handed it in just before the deadline, we had more time.  P_ and I had decided to approach recognized Australian producers to help us find funding for our film.

Already we had attempted a few meetings and phone calls.  No-one appeared interested in our idea.

Nevertheless, we pushed on.  P_ needed to assemble his showreel, and I had to assemble my own.  My allies were back at my alma mater, the Australian Film Television and Radio School (www.aftrs.edu.au)

I called in for a few favours from around the traps, and soon enough, I had 50 DVD’s on track to be picked up in a couple of days.

For his showreel P_ had turned to his friend Sh__, an unusual looking individual who chose to dress in completely in black.  Jeans, jacket, shirt and hat, were all worn regardless of the season.  Perhaps it was to cover his bald patch at the back of his thinning red hair, I wondered.  His plaited ponytail and inch long finger nails made him even more distinctive in appearance – almost repulsive.  “Goth” was the stereotype I thought of straight away.  I assumed he would be into horror films.

Although he fulfilled that stereotype, having made a feature-length low-budget horror film, his corridor was crammed with an amazing video archive.  In contrast to the grimy surrounds, Sh__’s library was neat and ordered with a pedant’s attention to detail, and a true conneiseur’s breadth and depth of selection.

That night we were camped in Sh__’s lounge room telling him of our situation as he dutifully cut P_’s reel.

I’d only met Sh__ once before, and P_ had shown him some of the work I had done at the AFTRS.  That time, Sh__ had scoffed at it, saying it was very “student”.

The very same work Sh__ scoffed at would later wow an executive from the distributor of ‘The Passions of the Christ.’

That day was still nearly a week away though.  Tonight, Sh__ was in his usual form.

“If you guys had any idea, you guys would be at Cannes right now where G_ is.  G_ has the right idea.  He knows more than you guys do! Fancy that!”, Sh__ sneered.

G_ was a mutual friend of P_ and Sh__’s.  I had only heard of G_ second-hand.  Suffice to say, his reputation preceded him.

He was Ed Wood and Rupert Kathner all rolled into one.  At the time of this discussion G_ had shot sixteen films, and only completed one.  Sh__ had been the editor of this final film, and it was this film that G_ had taken with him to “sell in Cannes.”

Even the shorts I’d seen from P_’s showreel had been appalling.  Fat Pizza looked like the Shawshank Redemption compared to this schlock.

I had seen G_’s work and had met many people who had worked on his shoots.  It was like a rite of passage for amateur Australian filmmakers to have been ripped off by G_ for one of his schlock films.  With titles that would have made Monty Python proud, G_’s talent for outlandish titles and pulling together people had somehow skipped his filmmaking abilities.

And yet despite my considerable exposure to amateur filmmaking over the previous 5 years, I had been fortunate enough never to have had the dubious honour of meeting G_.

Now, Sh__ rocked back in his desk chair facing us, his back towards his bank of computers behind him, occupying one corner of the room.  A smug smile revealed a set of teeth that would have an orthodontist rubbing his hands in glee.

At first I considered the comparison to Australia’s most notorious amateur filmmaker just another self-serving insult.  I had heard from P_ just before my first meeting with Sh__ that Sh__ had wanted to direct the film on the subject matter P_ and I had embarked upon.  In fact, it was Sh__ that had put P_ first onto the Pick-Up Artist stuff.  Of course – it had to be a nerd that would discover this type of thing.  Sh__ was a Goth-nerd.  Or Nerd-Goth if you will.

I attributed the rise of the Pick-Up Artist to the advent of the Internet. Now, socially awkward men could collaborate on cracking the enigma that was ‘Woman’, pooling together what used to be secret silos of information. 

But even despite Sh__’s obvious prejudice, I could see the sense of what he was saying.

Cannes was the second biggest film market in the World after the American Film Market.  Every year, anyone who was someone in the film business would pay pilgrimage to this palm-lined strip of the Riviera.

Stunning both Sh__ and P_, their mouths agape, I remember hearing myself say:

“You’re right Sh__.  I think we should be at Cannes too.”

The only problem was, Cannes opening night was tonight, and I was on the other side of the World.

To be continued…

Hi Everyone!

With the Cannes Film Festival approaching fast (13^th of May, less than a week away!) I have decided to do a few things for my readers (I have two of them now.)

1) I will devise a “Practical Tips” sheet for Cannes.  It will be written from the perspective of an emerging filmmaker trying to make it big.  Some of these practical tips have already been summarised for e-zine Screen Hub (www.screenhub.com.au) which should be coming out this Friday, May the 8^th, 2009.  The Screen Hub article gives a summarised version of these tips, along with summarised excerpts from my blog, but suffice to say, if you are patient, you will get the same info, and more, from reading my blog, only in “long form”.

2) I will fast-forward my blog to the events that led up to our attending the Cannes Film Festival.  I will try to catch up on the missing weeks between the process of co-writing the screenplay, submitting it, and flying to Cannes, at a later point.

3) I will also post an additional “Hot Tips” sheet, with all the nitty-gritty details on how to pull-off the handy hints mentioned in the Practical Tips sheet.  All the hot stuff that was too hot to print in Screenhub.

Cheers,

Y

The first ten days of our joint effort at rewriting the script proceeded at a leisurely pace. 

The first issue to deal with was that of characterization.

I began with the lead character, L.  In the initial draft, L was a non-descript Asian-Australian male, who was striving desperately to please his emotionally constipated father.  Why L did so was beyond me.

But before I could even figure out a reason why L even loved his father, P had L’s father dying of cancer.  L’s father’s dying wish?  That L get married.  This was to be the “Call to Adventure”.  In every Hero’s Journey, the hero is summoned to undertake an adventure, and leave the comfort of their own home.

As far as realism goes, the dying wish was not too far off the mark.  Any Chinese-Australian knows his/her parents obsession with their children getting married.  Think My Big Fat Greek Wedding, only with Chinese people.

I puzzled over this issue, P listening expectantly.  He obviously didn’t have the answers or he wouldn’t have found himself in this situation in the first place.

I asked P who he knew that was in the situation that L in his script found himself in - that of the hapless young Asian man who could not pick up, and whose parents want him to marry.  I already had a few Asian-Australian male friends I could think of.  You probably don’t have to think hard to picture such a person either.

The picture in my mind was of a young Asian male, from teenage adolescence through to his late 30’s, even forties, who had no sense of … what was the word I was thinking of?

I thought for a minute to try and put my finger on the missing quality.

Then I had it.  They had no sex appeal!

To be continued…

At our third meeting, P and I decided it was best to collaborate on writing our feature-length screenplay.

We set to work a few days later, working from my digs, in a suburban warehouse.

Despite the size of the warehouse, P and I sat side by side, huddled around a keyboard and monitor.

It struck me almost straight away that P had a good appetite for work.  Being able to work long hours side-by-side would be a great asset for our filmmaking partnership.  I had noticed in past working relationships that others found my work ethic somewhat intimidating.

At one former workplace, the management was not used to people working after 5pm.  It took me fully 12 months before they got used to the idea and found a solution.  One of the accounts people loved playing computer games and would stay back and play Doom or some such thing as I did my work.  There was never any question of lack of work ethic with P.

Those first few days, we did around 3 hours at a time, but one day, P mentioned a chat he had with his father about our project.  Although P described his father as emotionally distant, in the typical Chinese fashion, his father was very enthusiastic about the idea.

Hailing from Mainland China, his father had absolutely no idea of Western youth culture, but felt an idea about “How to Pick-Up Women” was a sure-fire winner.  It was something that everybody understood – even him.

P’s father, CP, raised another point.  If this phenomenon were truly traveling around the web-sites of the World, then other people would be working on the same idea.  We were in a race, but we could not see where our competitors were, or who they were.

P and I immediately started scanning the IMDB and Variety websites for any news of upcoming movies with the same theme as ours.

We immediately accelerated our work schedule, working late hours into the night.

One day, we checked the deadline for film funding rounds and realized the peak film funding body in Australia had a deadline in 3 weeks.

We now had a clear deadline, and a clear motivation to push our project as fast as possible.

All the time, we wondered, would we be first to get our film up?

To be continued…

As P and I sat across from each other in the glass-walled library meeting room, I had a slow realization that my new filmmaking partner did not understand one of the core themes that spoke out from his script.

I had written the two themes on a scrap of paper, as follows:-

1) Asian guy can’t pick up because society’s negative stereotypes emasculate Asian men.

2) What is it to be a man?  Is it all about picking-up, or is it about something deeper?  Isn’t it more about being responsible.  Nevertheless, it is still an essential part of man to be sexual.

That he got theme #1 was obvious.  Even though it had taken him nearly two weeks to articulate, articulate he finally did.

But that he didn’t understand one of the central ideas of the Hero’s Journey?  Surely every scriptwriter knew the hero had to be challenged in three ways. Firstly, the hero had to overcome an opponent physically stronger than himself (usually through wits or bravery).  Secondly, the hero must overcome temptations of the flesh. Namely, WOMEN.  Thirdly, the hero has to overcome the hardest challenge of all – the hero must overcome himself, through accepting himself for who he is.

It was this second challenge that P did not seem to understand.  Was it not obvious that to be a Man, the hero must first show bravery, and then overcome the temptation to sleep with as many women as possible?

I looked at P.  He was still looking at me, yearning to get my approval.  Still a boy with a man’s physique.

That was it.  P was still IN the hero’s journey.  And he had not conquered the second challenge.  He was still at its mercy.

I was 14 years P’s senior, and had already been through this challenge.

Years ago, when I had mastered the art of picking-up, within a few instances of it, I had recoiled from its power.  I had the power to manipulate women’s feelings, and jangle them about like they were puppets and I the puppetmaster.

The thought horrified me.  Are women (and therefore, by extension people) that simple?  That mechanistic?  You just push the buttons and they respond in a certain way.

I had found the Midas Touch, but immediately saw its potentially disastrous repercussions.

P was still yet to experience this.

I stowed this thought away for the time being, lest I hurt his feelings – and promptly forgot it.

When I finally spoke, I was back to my decisive self.

Y: P, I think I get the idea of your script.  Rather than you do another draft, why don’t we collaborate from here?

This time it was P’s turn to sigh with relief.

P:  I’m glad you suggested it, because I was going to suggest it myself.

We immediately set about trying to rectify one of the issues of his draft -  Characterisation.

In all of the meetings we’d had to date, P had expressly railed long and loud against the awful stereotypes Western media used to portray Asians, and yet here in both his drafts, were pancake flat stereotypes of the Asian father figure, and the Asian mother.

He (the Asian father) was stern and emotionally remote.  She (the Asian mother) was submissive and emotionally remote.

The only character that had any soul, wit and depth was the character, also named P. The “best buddy” character of P, in the screenplay even had more depth than the lead character L.  It turned out this was no coincidence

I asked P how he arrived at the characterization of P in the screenplay.  He answered:

P:  Oh, P is just who I’ve always wanted to be, but was too afraid to be until I discovered this Pick-Up Artist stuff.

Indeed, the P character was brash, cocky, and had all the best lines. This fact that would rile P later on when I pointed it out to him - P wanted to play the lead character L.

All the remaining characters, including the lead, the female love interest, the repressive Asian family, and the “mentor” character needed fleshing out.

There was a lot of work to do.

To be continued…

In our last instalment, my new filmmaking partner, P, had finally touched upon the thematic core of the screenplay with his half-guess, half-answer: “Um, it’s about how, umm, white girls just don’t respect us Asian dudes man?!”

“Yes! That’s very good”, I said. “But there’s another theme that this whole subject matter of picking-up also brings up. It’s absolutely central to this story and to the Hero’s Journey. Can you guess what it is?”

P began his usual parroting trick:  “It’s the Hero’s Journey. Um. It’s central to the story.”

P ground to a halt.  After a moment or two, I realized this was his “answer.”

My sigh must have been audible, because people outside our study cubicle looked in through the glass separating us from the main library. 

I could tell this was going to take a long time if I insisted upon the Socratic method of question and answer.  So I flipped over the piece of paper before me and pointed to the second point:-

2) “What is it to be a man?  Is it all about picking-up, or is it about something deeper?  Isn’t it more about being responsible?  Nevertheless, it is still an essential part of man to be sexual.”

I saw P’s eyes deliberately trace over the words.  He was a slow reader.

Even when he finally finished reading the words before him, he looked up, his eyes still searching for meaning.

Y: You don’t agree?

P (swallowing): Sure I do.

I could tell he was lying.

Y: Tell me about it then.

P (looking straight at me in a remarkable feat of memory):  The second theme is: “What is it to be a man.  Umm, Is it all about picking-up, or is it about something deeper?  Isn’t it more about being responsible? But it’s really important to have sex.”

Y: Mmm-hmm.  Well, what do you think is most important?

P:  Having sex?  Umm, with a lot of women?

I was impressed.  P had somehow, throughout his schooling mastered the art of memorization without being able to understand anything that he’d memorized.

No doubt, he was telling the truth here.  It was indeed what he thought was most important.  P would go on to reveal that the most important things to P related to tangible quantities.  Box office numbers, amount of territory conquered, personal wealth, how many movies you’ve been in, how many people know who you are.

It was no surprise then that P had been a Maths and Finance major, and had been a trainee trader for Macquarie Bank, the most aggressive and exclusive merchant bank in Australia.  Quantitative ability and ego seemed the two common themes for both careers.  This somewhat flippant observation would come back to haunt me.

To be continued…